Someone, many years ago, gave me some advice that has resonated with me more consistently than I anticipated. He said to me, "You can't have progress without change." At this point in life I had spent my first year of college in Reno and I knew it wasn't the right place for me. I was thinking of transferring to a new school and trying not to regret the year I felt I'd wasted; he gave me these words to let me know that change was not something to fear, but an adventure to embrace and a sign of moving forward. Since then my life has been filled with change, experience, and occasional regret. I find I can't seem to stay in one city or job for more than three years and usually after the first two I become bored and unsatisfied and again search for something different.
So here I am, once again in the middle of change, still searching for life purpose. I left my job and rented my house and am moving home, once again, to remember who I am. My mom told me once that there are three important things in life: your career life, your home life, and your love life. When more than one of them isn't going well, life get's really tough. This piece of advice never really provided me with consolation as much as it did awareness. I started noticing how each of these areas of my life were doing and began to understand why I felt so unhappy. It's good to consciously think about how life is in this way because when you see that an area is not going well, it's easier to consider what areas you can change in order to make it better. I started to look at my life and realized that I was in a career I didn't like, in a city I didn't enjoy, and dating someone who didn't make me feel good. No wonder I felt miserable. Side Explanation: If you're wondering why I would even continue trying in this place when it was so terrible for me and I can explain it with a few words: there was a guy. I took a job and right away met someone I was interested in, but he didn't feel the same way; I started seeing someone else to have a friend to go do things with while still hoping something would change with guy #1. As I waited and nothing changed I became more depressed and anxious and finally accepted that I needed to give up and move on; I needed change.
It turns out that you can't really control your love life. You can end something you have, but you can't necessarily force Mr. Right to appear when and where you think he should. There is an element of making yourself available and being seen which can help, but, ultimately, you can't hurry love. So what can you control? Career and home. I'm in the process of figuring these two out which is essentially self discovery; and I think you you find people you're most compatible with when you're doing things that you love in a place you want to be. It's important to be on track with yourself in order to have the most fulfilling relationships, I think this is a big part of what I was missing the last few years.
So in this process of self discovery, what do I know?
I know that I love food and am somewhat of a snob about it. I have come to terms with this fact and fully embrace the reality that I do not like fast food (In & Out and Chipotle do not fall into this category), cheap beer is solely meant for rodeos, other sporting events and along with take-out Chinese food, and I would rather go hungry than eat something that involved little to no effort or is served at a buffet more involved than just salad.
I know that I need people, interesting people, in my life everyday. I want to interact with individuals who have traveled and seek adventure. I need to be challenged to explore and discover new opportunities and ways of thinking. I want to know what is out there that I haven't yet experienced and find out how to see it for myself. I enjoy a transient culture far better than one that is consistent and predictable.
I know that I want to fall in love and have kids someday. I want to meet someone who I am uncontrollable in love with who makes me nervous and challenges me, yet doesn't push me away but strives to continually evoke my curiosity and interest. Someone I can laugh with.
I know that being active and fit is important to me and that I want someone who encourages and enjoys this part of life as much as I do.
So there you have it, my life lessons and what I know so far. I'm sure there is more to learn from what's behind and more to gain from what's ahead. Here's to looking forward.
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